Monday, December 21, 2009

The Good Jew Seeking G-d

Here I am petitioning the Most High in the winter of 95 or 96. Is the God of Israel here at the base of the wall? Does He know what is written in the paper stuck between the stones?

I was struck by Jer 2:
V5. What injustice did your fathers find in Me, that they went afar from Me and walked after emptiness and became empty? 

Like Wow.... walked after emptiness..

v17 Have you not done this to yourself by forsaking the LORD your God when He led you in the way?

v19 Your own wickedness will correct you, and your apostasies will reprove you; know therefore and see what is evil and bitter for you to forsake the LORD your God, and the dread of Me is not in you, declares the Lord God of Hosts.

How sobering.... the dread of Me is not in you.  What is the  dread of God......
God wants His faithless sons to return to Him:

Jer 3:22 Return O faithless sons, I will heal your faithlessness, Behold we come to You For You are the LORD our God..

There is hope....not despair...Heal my faithlessness O Lord... Amen.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Struggling in December

The holidays are tough times for those without families.  Everything around you is geared for families. The married woman I sat next to in Church pointed to the singles event in the calender like this was the solution to my  needs. There you go....we have something for even the likes of YOU.... is how it made me feel.   The Pastor reminded everyone to come to the Christmas eve Family service. I want to thank this kind man for another reminder that I do not have a family. I still have not figured out how single adult middle aged women fit in the body of Christ.  Are we second class or even third class members?  Are we part of Gods family or just the cast off's behind the barn...? Does God care about the those alone?  I am struggling to 'fight the good fight of faith; take hold of the eternal life to which you were called, and you made the good confession in the presences of many witnesses' 1Tim 6:12. As I get in my forties my emotions get wackier at times... during these days... the are some moments  want to give up. Is this the enemy, me or hormones or all three?  God's cruel curse on all woman I think... but... I need to remember to 'fight the good fight'..I would love for a man's shoulder to cry on at times... here's me... all I have is the blog to set my weeping to words..

I was not sure what to read next these dark cold days of my life. I had just finished 1Timothy. I decided Jeremiah would fit my frame of mind. I had only  read it once years ago before salvation. It is supposed to be a sad book.

Jeremiah..... brought memories of being in Jeruselem when would go to the wall and pray. I would bescheeh the G-d of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob with  the despair I was going through at the time. The loniness, depression, and culture shock. Going 'Up to Jeruselem' was supposed to be the highlight of  a Jew's life.... yet there I was... still alone.. and in despair..wondering where G-d was...He was not there at the wall it seemed.

Now I read...

Jeremiah 1:5 (New American Standard Bible)

    5"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
         And before you were born I consecrated you;
         I have appointed you a prophet to the nations."

 A Prophet I am not but if God knew Jeremiah from in the womb He knows me as well. He knows my struggles, trials, loneliness, and at times despair. So... Why then despair.. Despair is someone without hope. I do have hope... in a God that knows me from the womb.

Lord help me to fight the fight of faith. Lord help me to walk the narrow path and not seek the wide path that leads to destruction. Help me to change my attitudes and perspective to those of Your word.  I do not see Christmas trees, malls, and Christmas parties and gift exchanges as part of Your word.  I would ask that You reveal Yourself to me in Your word. I would see Your church (Your Bride) not a a Mega Church where one goes to sit alone in a pew  but as Your body.. that Christ gave Himself up for her. Change my attitudes Lord and make them yours..

Friday, December 18, 2009

Bah Humbug

Honestly, I've been grumpy. Is it the cold, the dark short days? Or those joyful people with money and shopping lists to fill when I have no money?  The bills I cannot pay when I want to?  The doubt ... does God have cattle on a thousand hills? Am I grumpy because of  the constant reminders that am alone amidst the family holiday season? The unanswered questions of why does God give me the desire for companionship and desire  for children but hold it back seemly to torment me at times. Honestly, God...sometime You  seems cruel..especially around the holidays.

Yet.. I know God is not cruel. Everything is the Lord's
  psalm 24
 1 The earth is the LORD's, and everything in it,
       the world, and all who live in it;(including me)

Purim though... THIS is a holiday I like:  An aside: I wonder if God minds if I pick and choose what I like in His word?

Esther 9
 20 Mordecai recorded these events, and he sent letters to all the Jews throughout the provinces of King Xerxes, near and far, 21 to have them celebrate annually the fourteenth and fifteenth days of the month of Adar 22 as the time when the Jews got relief from their enemies, and as the month when their sorrow was turned into joy and their mourning into a day of celebration. He wrote them to observe the days as days of feasting and joy and giving presents of food to one another and gifts to the poor.

I would pray this prayer Lord: That You would provide relief from my enemies and turn my sorrow into joy and a day of celebration. May the enemy be drowned out of my life by more than a mere banging of pots and twirling of noise makers. Shouts of Yeah! when Mordecai's name is sounded to the shout of Joy when You get the victory!.. amen! Please make it so...

Sunday, December 13, 2009

One of those Sump Pump kind of days:

Batteries are HEAVY and I am weak. My discovery for today. Pain pills for my back are soon to come. I had to take a battery back to Menards after barely getting out of the car and into the crawl space before I realized I got some wrong advice..So goes my day, they were nice enough with me pounding on the door 3 minutes after it closed to open it up so I can return it.
Maybe a cleansing flood in my house would not be so bad. It's not like I do not have any pump Its just the backup that failed. Oh Yeah... I live in a place with more power outages than when I lived in the MIDDLE EAST.

From struggling to get a marine battery (they are HEAVY) out of the car to discouragement about everything. Whether I am down with my lot in life, my work, finances, church issues, doubts, singleness,  or  a simple thing like how I am going to be able to this battery to the sump pump; life sometimes overwhelms... Today life was overwhelming.

'Facts about God is not the same thing as knowing God.' - Paul Washer; He said that during a sermon I listed to today. Don't let you love become COMMON.

Lord ...  I want to come away with you and renew my love.

Song of Solomon 2
10 My lover spoke and said to me,
       "Arise, my darling,
       my beautiful one, and come with me.
 11 See! The winter is past;
       the rains are over and gone.
 12 Flowers appear on the earth;
       the season of singing has come,
       the cooing of doves
       is heard in our land.
 13 The fig tree forms its early fruit;
       the blossoming vines spread their fragrance.
       Arise, come, my darling;
       my beautiful one, come with me."

Friday, December 11, 2009

PPE: Personal Protective Equipment:

My work involves some hazards. I work with some dangerous chemicals, gases, equipment and  graduate students. Some the materials  will burn the skin, attack bone, scar the lungs or explode. Hydroflouric acid is particularly bad as it does not hurt until it gets to the bone. You do not know you have it on you until its too late. While I have been exposed and breathed in much through the years on the whole I have been protected. PPE: Protects the worker from the hazard. From wearing a respirator so as not to breath in the lead fumes to chemical gloves they both offer protection if used properly.  Yet, with all the advances made accidents still to happen.  People get hurt. It usually happens from  not putting protection on or not following the right instructions.

What happens  when discouragement, loneliness, grief, temptation, and lust come my way?  When I start to long for a tempting sin. I dwell upon it thinking it will make me feel better. The path to heaven is a narrow one.. Sometimes, the thought comes to go away from the path. If I follow the rules at work and put on protection there why do I have problems following Gods instructions? God offers protection for His children but it requires something from me as well. There is a action needed on my part.

The Armor of God 
Eph 6:11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

Help me Lord to take up this armor when self pity, loneliness, temptation, grief, and sin want to strike me. You have offered protection to me the sinner, the daughter, the barren and lonely one. I just need wear the armor You have provided.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

I Love to Breathe!

A few encouraging verses:
Gen 2:7 Then the LORD God formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breathe of life; and man became a living being.  

Our very life comes from God... Our breath comes from God. Our body is made by God. We are not some random series of mutations from amino acids to flesh and bone. How could God not have made it all?

Gen 6:17 Behold, I, even I am bringing the flood of water upon the earth, to destroy all flesh in which is the breath of life....

Breath gives us life... God controls our breath. It gives us life... without which  the heart can do nothing. Our days are but a breath (Job 7:16)

I have always had trouble holding my breath. In Minnesota I took kayak lessons once and failed miserably at it. We had to flip the kayak and hold your breath and tap on the exterior of the kayak (upside down in the water) while counting to some number. I would always panic. Needless to say, a Lake Superior kayak trip was not in my future. As a youngster, I tried smoking and never managed... I felt extremely 'uncool' about the whole thing. Now.. I acknowledge to the Most High God... He gives me breath.. With my asthma, that which I took for granted I now thank God  for who is the provider of my breath. He sustains me.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Truth: God's Word

Psalm 47:2 (New International Version)

 2 How awesome is the LORD Most High,
       the great King over all the earth!

Psalm 47:2 (New American Standard)
  For the Lord Most High is to be feared, A great King over all the earth!

AWE: an overwhelming feeling of reverence, admiration, fear, etc., produced by that which is grand, sublime, extremely powerful, or the like: in awe of God;

I recently had someone email me a cartoon of Jesus. I have been greatly bothered
this , not only for the bad teaching of the text but the cartoon depiction of Jesus. I am even more disturbed that even though the text has incorrect teaching that there is a higher meaning in the cartoon that I am apparently not getting. What happen to holding God in esteem, honor, and fearing the Lord? Are we to treat the Lord Most High in a lite handed manner?

Are we not supposed to fear and be in awe of God? Should we dilute the truth with untruth just to depart some deeper meaning or to be cute and clever?

I am spirit is subdued..  I never want to handle Gods word lightly ever again. I never again want to believe in only part of the of Gods truth. If it is not true, why live? All will be lost if God is not who He says.
How I have sinned against God in all I have done in my life. I am undone...

My soul cleaves to the dust;
Revive me according to your word.
I have told of my ways, and You have answered me;
Teach me Your statues.
Make me understand the way of Your Precepts,
so I will meditate on Your wonders.
My soul weeps because of grief;
Strengthen me according to Your word.
Remove the false way from me.
And graciously grant me Your law.
Ps 119:25-29

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Be Diligent : Do others see progress in my life?

1 Timothy 4:15 
In my reading tonight, I came across this verse and it kind of struck me on how it applies to my life. Paul was writing to Timothy about his ministry, his spiritual gift, his speech, conduct, love, faith and purity. He was to be an example to others. He was to use the gifts God had given to him. His life (purchased by God's Son) was to be an example. Is this only for Timothy or does it apply to the believers of today as well? Is my hope on the Living God (1Tim 5:10)? Is Gods word alive and living and working in my heart?

Am I giving wholly of myself, being absorbed, being immersed,  and throwing myself into the task at hand? Does 1Tim 4:15 apply to my life and if so.. am I being diligent? Do others see progress? 

(New International Version) : Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress.

(New American Standard Bible): Take pains with these things; be absorbed in them, so that your progress will be evident to all. 

(King James Version): Meditate upon these things; give thyself wholly to them; that thy profiting may appear to all.

(English Standard Version): Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress.

(New Living Translation): Give your complete attention to these matters. Throw yourself into your tasks so that everyone will see your progress. 

Dear Father... make this verse (Your word) real and active in my life.