Friday, November 27, 2009
Trials: I don't like them.. I long for the easy life where my needs are cared for and my every want is granted. I would be living in La Jolla California in a nice house with a rich husband. I would spend my days between shopping and the beach. How self centered I am. Pastor James talks about refusing to submit to Gods agenda will result in bitterness and then profane living. I want what I want. Oh, how I can relate to this. Hebrews 12: 15 See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. I think parts of my life have been bitter. It is so easy to get bitter about the difficulties of life. Life is not fair.. but God is still God. He is in charge, we are not.
7 So, as the Holy Spirit says:
"Today, if you hear his voice,
8do not harden your hearts
as you did in the rebellion,
during the time of testing in the desert,
9where your fathers tested and tried me
and for forty years saw what I did.
10That is why I was angry with that generation,
and I said, 'Their hearts are always going astray,
and they have not known my ways.'
11So I declared on oath in my anger,
'They shall never enter my rest.' "[a]
May the Lord remind me of His word as I struggle through lifes trails. I would 'run to a place of submission' instead of going my own way.
Monday, November 16, 2009
What is a fence for... is it a decoration; purely frivolous; or is it for protection ? Do I need fences in my life? Last week I was reading Pastor James MacDonald's blog. He had a posting on fences.
Do I need protection from moral failure? Who me? I don't think so.. I can see Pastors needing this protection but not me.. definitely.. not me..They are in the public's eye..I personally can handle life's temptations..
Reading the word today - 1Thessalonians 2:12 walk in manner worthy of God... Who me? Really God... worthy of You? No man can be worthy.. it's an impossible task that you ask.
1 Thessalonians 4:3 this is the will of God; your sanctification; that is you abstain from sexual immorality...
do You (God) have to put it so bluntly?
Fences: to help protect me from moral failure.. Well, I am not so sure what I think about it and how fences apply to my life. I heard from others in my life about their fences.. not getting in a car with a man you are not married to. I thought that was a little crazy. Some do not eat alone with another man they are not married to.. Well. how else am I going to meet a guy... locked away in my house? I have been known to go on lunches and dinners with married and single men from work or socially. Usually nothing much happens then someone asked... why not take someone... well.. was I wishing something happened? What...NO... . are these Jesus loving friends reading my mind?? Grrrrrr.. How can that be? Should I go hide in shame now?
Does God want me to put these fences up? I am not sure.. maybe... perhaps...part of me desires... I hope not.
Straddling close to the fence... it adds excitement and danger.. Whats wrong with chatting it up a cute male coworker? Getting to know him and his life?
A few years ago I went on a business trip with a male coworker. For 3 days, we did everything together.. the end results.. I was glad I was NOT married to the guy.. I learned way to much about him and him me.
Does God want me to put up some fences in my life? I am not sure. My line of work is mostly with men and it is a fact of life I need to deal with. Is there some fencing that can be laid? I think so.. but do I want God to change me in this area of my life.. Honestly, part of me does not. I like the attention of men when I can get it and I like giving them attention. Every day when I come home I am reminded that I am alone in the world.. Will getting involved with a man solve that? Can I lower my standards... will the God of the Universe still love me if I fall in this area?
I am reminded.. 1 Thessalonians 4:3 this is the will of God; your sanctification; that is you abstain from sexual immorality...
Lord help... this is what I will ask. I am a sinner.. who still desires sin.. please change me and my desires to be in line with your word.
Proverbs 4:26 ponder the path of my feet and let all your ways be established.
These things are a struggle.
Monday, November 9, 2009
What is the church and where do I fit in? I know the 'key words' the church is the body of believers.. but what does it really mean to me this single old fat chick? Especially in this day and age of the big church... Where you never actually get to talk to the 'Shepard'.
I have been in real authoritarian churches and a cult.. and to many in the middle. I went to one in January in Wheaton.. I thought was being run by college kids... it was wacky. I could write a book... the most strict, the most unfriendly, the wackiest, the church that 'pray reads', the church the 'you have to pay to learn to speak in tongues', the church where they only want 'workers', the church that can not deal with 'singles', the scary church, the depressing one and on and on.. I used to get reminded about how depressed and lonely I was when I went to church.
As a one who trusted and still trusts in the Lord for my salvation; I find myself attending a church where I am under conviction of my sin all the time.. You know... this is hard to take!.. I am so used to where go to church and leave and nothing changes in your life. Now... What are you supposed to do when God seems to be always getting on my case.. is it really God? How do you know?
What really is God's church, how should it be run, and where do I fit in? How should I respond when I am feeling under conviction? How do I know.. this guilt is from God and not just the 'church' or being in a crowd? Do I have to agree with everything? What are the lines? Does God even care? I am not sure... hopefully God will show me what He thinks about it.
What is a Godly church and how does it work? You know... I am not really sure.. All I know.. I am very confused over the whole thing. I have been down so many paths I find it very difficult to trust leaders in church. Onward on the narrow path I go...I may hit a few walls on the way and fall down some but I will move forward.
Monday, November 2, 2009
I am in Ephesians this week. I am trying to read the word as real and living. There is truth there that applies to my life. As I read Eph 5:22-33 I find myself wondering.. okay Lord... I can ignore this now.. This part... does not apply... NEXT...
All these years... so called friends... your too fat, your need to dress up, your too assertive, or wear makeup in order to get a guy..'Christian women' who would tell me to just look for a decent guy that believes in God...A good Jewish guy would do or Catholic. I found single woman greatly outnumber single men at the churches I had gone to in the past... beside... American men... are not attracted to short, chubby ladies... now... if I lived in Italy.... Ha.... I must move to Italy!
One of the last weddings I went to.. this Pastor told the bride 'smart women have a harder time submitting to their husbands' as if to admonish her. Two couples I loved... one husband abandoned his wife another one left the wife of his youth for a friend of mine. The husband who abandon his family... I use to think he was a 'great guy'. Both families were devastated. A wreck was left in the wake of that mess. I have seen so much pain through the years and unhappiness in people I come to care a lot about yet some people seem to get by with okay marriages.. yet there is still seems to be something missing.
How is this 'marriage' thing supposed to work? Is all hope lost? Can a believing man demand his wife submit to him? It says in the book here as he throws it in front of her face... A woman who complains about her husband to me yet at the same time.. demeans him in front of others... or places her own needs and wants before those of her husbands.
Is there a better way? There are marriage books out there... I have read of few..
the five love languages.. other christian hype...there is some value is understanding how the opposite sex thinks.. yet
What speaks to me about this passage of scripture...is Christ.. who gave Himself up for the Church... He will wash the church (us) in his word, sanctify (set apart), and present the church holy blameless to Himself.. He wants this for His church.. which includes both men and woman.. we are to submit to His word.. putting others first before themselves. For wives, this would be their husbands.. Out of Love for their Lord and Savior... they will submit to their husbands putting his needs first..
Husbands.. will love their wives... even to death on the cross.. As Christ gave Himself for the Church..
God the Creator of both men and woman... has determine this is the more excellent way. He knows man... Husbands long for the respect of their wives.. Wives long for the care and protection of their husbands..
This goes against the very grain of society today... What can God show me... the short fat lady...This was His plan from the beginning.. I can pray for those who are married that they would follow His plan.. It is the best way.