Sunday, December 20, 2009

Struggling in December

The holidays are tough times for those without families.  Everything around you is geared for families. The married woman I sat next to in Church pointed to the singles event in the calender like this was the solution to my  needs. There you go....we have something for even the likes of YOU.... is how it made me feel.   The Pastor reminded everyone to come to the Christmas eve Family service. I want to thank this kind man for another reminder that I do not have a family. I still have not figured out how single adult middle aged women fit in the body of Christ.  Are we second class or even third class members?  Are we part of Gods family or just the cast off's behind the barn...? Does God care about the those alone?  I am struggling to 'fight the good fight of faith; take hold of the eternal life to which you were called, and you made the good confession in the presences of many witnesses' 1Tim 6:12. As I get in my forties my emotions get wackier at times... during these days... the are some moments  want to give up. Is this the enemy, me or hormones or all three?  God's cruel curse on all woman I think... but... I need to remember to 'fight the good fight'..I would love for a man's shoulder to cry on at times... here's me... all I have is the blog to set my weeping to words..

I was not sure what to read next these dark cold days of my life. I had just finished 1Timothy. I decided Jeremiah would fit my frame of mind. I had only  read it once years ago before salvation. It is supposed to be a sad book.

Jeremiah..... brought memories of being in Jeruselem when would go to the wall and pray. I would bescheeh the G-d of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob with  the despair I was going through at the time. The loniness, depression, and culture shock. Going 'Up to Jeruselem' was supposed to be the highlight of  a Jew's life.... yet there I was... still alone.. and in despair..wondering where G-d was...He was not there at the wall it seemed.

Now I read...

Jeremiah 1:5 (New American Standard Bible)

    5"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
         And before you were born I consecrated you;
         I have appointed you a prophet to the nations."

 A Prophet I am not but if God knew Jeremiah from in the womb He knows me as well. He knows my struggles, trials, loneliness, and at times despair. So... Why then despair.. Despair is someone without hope. I do have hope... in a God that knows me from the womb.

Lord help me to fight the fight of faith. Lord help me to walk the narrow path and not seek the wide path that leads to destruction. Help me to change my attitudes and perspective to those of Your word.  I do not see Christmas trees, malls, and Christmas parties and gift exchanges as part of Your word.  I would ask that You reveal Yourself to me in Your word. I would see Your church (Your Bride) not a a Mega Church where one goes to sit alone in a pew  but as Your body.. that Christ gave Himself up for her. Change my attitudes Lord and make them yours..

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