Monday, November 9, 2009
Church: Whats it all about...
What is the church and where do I fit in? I know the 'key words' the church is the body of believers.. but what does it really mean to me this single old fat chick? Especially in this day and age of the big church... Where you never actually get to talk to the 'Shepard'.
I have been in real authoritarian churches and a cult.. and to many in the middle. I went to one in January in Wheaton.. I thought was being run by college kids... it was wacky. I could write a book... the most strict, the most unfriendly, the wackiest, the church that 'pray reads', the church the 'you have to pay to learn to speak in tongues', the church where they only want 'workers', the church that can not deal with 'singles', the scary church, the depressing one and on and on.. I used to get reminded about how depressed and lonely I was when I went to church.
As a one who trusted and still trusts in the Lord for my salvation; I find myself attending a church where I am under conviction of my sin all the time.. You know... this is hard to take!.. I am so used to where go to church and leave and nothing changes in your life. Now... What are you supposed to do when God seems to be always getting on my case.. is it really God? How do you know?
What really is God's church, how should it be run, and where do I fit in? How should I respond when I am feeling under conviction? How do I know.. this guilt is from God and not just the 'church' or being in a crowd? Do I have to agree with everything? What are the lines? Does God even care? I am not sure... hopefully God will show me what He thinks about it.
What is a Godly church and how does it work? You know... I am not really sure.. All I know.. I am very confused over the whole thing. I have been down so many paths I find it very difficult to trust leaders in church. Onward on the narrow path I go...I may hit a few walls on the way and fall down some but I will move forward.